Letter from a Bewildered Vegetarian
by Shari Ilsen on 05/28/09 at 2:12 pm
Have you made the choice?
I am a vegetarian. This means I don’t eat meat, chicken, or fish. When new people find out about this “personality quirk”, as it is often viewed, the inevitable question appears: Why?
When I was nine years old, I had a babysitter who was five years older than me, and I worshipped her. At the time, she was a vegetarian, as was my youngest Aunt who had always been like a rock star in my eyes. While nothing is a stronger influence in a girl’s life than older girls, I was also just beginning to struggle with the incongruity of loving to cuddle my cats and then chowing down on a burger. Most of us deal with this issue at one point or another, and generally come to some sort of balance that allows us to be comfortably omnivorous. But my two role models provided me with another option to solve the problem, an exotic option. So when my mother was cooking dinner one night, I told her, “no chicken for me.” And that was it.
16 years later, I’ve never had one regret. Giving up meat has never been a struggle for me, and I honestly can’t tell you why. I remember enjoying it. It still smells good, and I bet I’d love it if I tried it again. I just don’t eat it. Sorry, that’s the best I can do in terms of articulation.
While my vegetarianism assimilated seamlessly into my life, others don’t have such an easy time with my choice. No matter what the situation, whenever I meet someone new, they try and poke holes in my beliefs and my lifestyle. I always get the “But they’re going to be killed anyway, why not eat them?” argument. My favorite is “What about all the plants you eat? Don’t plants feel pain? You murderer!”
My vegetarianism has always been very personal to me. I’ve never tried to recruit new veg-heads, nor do I call attention to the fact that I’m getting grilled cheese at In ‘n Out while everyone else orders a Double Double Animal Style. Yet without fail, my eating habits come to the forefront of every culinary experience: whether being unable to share entrees at a restaurant, cooking something extra on the side while with friends, or having to specify no meat, chicken or fish when invited to dinner, it’s ALWAYS a big deal.
But it doesn’t end there. For some reason, people generally feel the need to not only dwell on my vegetarianism, but to go on the attack. More often than not, there are disparaging comments about my food, (and yes, I know that tofu can sometimes look amazingly unappetizing…), and ridiculing my choice (“you’re an idiot for not eating bacon!” is a common theme). Considering how subtle I try to be about my vegetarianism, considering how hard I try to make sure it doesn’t inconvenience anyone else, I have one question: What is WITH that?!
Benoit Monin, a psychology professor at Stanford University, has some answers. His research focuses on how people react to different moral situations, and the psychology behind it. He has labeled people’s odd animosity towards vegetarians as the “do-gooder derogation.” People are generally threatened by anyone or anything different, and veg-heads present a double threat because our deviation from the norm is on a moral plane. Meat-eaters do view vegetarians as morally superior, and they resent the hell out of them for it. Thus comes the inevitable justification of their own behavior by putting the do-gooder down.
My friends constantly try to convince me that I’m missing out on something really good by not eating meat. Of course they’re right- I’m missing out on eating meat. But this is no reason to condemn me as a moron. Do you do everything that feels really good? Of course not. There are some lines we just don’t cross. Don’t make me give examples. The key is that we each are free to define our own boundary lines. Don’t cast me out because mine are different from yours. There is an infinite number of ways to experience joy and pleasure in this world. Why get hung up on just one?
I am a vegetarian. But my vegetarianism does not define all that I am any more than anyone else’s curious resentment and determination to ridicule the way I live my life defines them.
So get over it already.
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